I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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