I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
