We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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