I just made out with a guy for $7.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
