i think my tv is drunk
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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