Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
barbara walters just said penis...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize