Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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