So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
