I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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