MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
