omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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