I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
