thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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