Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
