She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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