the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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