Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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