Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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