Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
