Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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