You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
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theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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