He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
