I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
