Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
