I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
