Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
