I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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