I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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