apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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