So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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