Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
