I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
