I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
