need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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