I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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