I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
