I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
