The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
