I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
