I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
