I faked an abortion last night.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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