i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
