Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize