I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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