Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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