Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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