i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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