i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
