found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
