So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
