In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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