These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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