Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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