omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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