why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
