so that wasnt chicken after all
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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