I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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