hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
