Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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