There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
