He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
