wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
