So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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