I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
