i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
