I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
