i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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